#1 REASON WHY NOT TO FLIRT!!!
A couple were invited to a swanky Halloween costume party. The wife
got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she
was going to take some
aspirin and go to bed and there was no need
for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly
for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to
go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she
thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how
he
acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume,
cavorting around on the dance floor, with every nice "chick" he could and
copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.. His wife went up to him
and
being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner
high and dry
and
devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear
and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate
intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight,
she
slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed,
wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous
behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of
time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when
you're not there." Then
she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there,
I met
Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and
played
poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker
all
night!"
she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your BROTHER,
apparently he had the time of his life."
LMAO GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The Man Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping
OK NOW THIS IS MORE SERIOUS.... AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH! PLEASE READ *A Soulful Relationship*If you're not married yet, share this with a friend.
If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married
couples.. and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married,
keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust,
desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool
yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really
important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their
flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences
will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother
you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs,
values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals
who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other?
Do you bring out the best of each other? Do you compliment and compromise
with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring
to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or
her. You can't make someone love you or make someone
stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or
responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness
are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks,
some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal,
shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on
their voice-mail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.
Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving
each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to
have outside interests. You can't always be together. Give each other
a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try
to control one another. Learn each other's family situation.
Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities
are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal,
abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
"Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher
than you think."
The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands forever.
Isaiah 40:8
shall we make a new rule of life from tonight.
Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary. The difference
between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.
"Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones"
Proverbs 16:24
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